Each time we move forward, it seems the next steps are two back.

With our adoption decree in hand (figuratively speaking),
I decided it was time for an update from Mr. Attorney.

Knowing that the next phase involved authentication and legalization of the decree
before entering MOI and attaining our son's passport,
I inquired about our status.
Are we ready to enter MOI?
Are we waiting on authentication of the decree with submission to the National Archives?

We recently heard of two families who passed through MOI and had passports in hand
in 3-4 weeks.
I felt compelled to share this information with him.

He informed me that we are in the midst of the legalization process,
and in his words,
our work will then be done.

Excuse me, WHA...????
Yeah, I don't think so.

Our original contract,
which I have in writing (thank you),
is for delivery of passport.

I know it;
He knows it.
There is no doubt in my mind.

The passport apparently costs $400-600 US . . .
hmmmm, is this why he has forgotten?
Perhaps the large fee we paid up front,
which was originally 1/2 of the total for adopting 2 children
but turned into the total when 1 adoption was not possible,
is gone.

So the reality of what comes after passport is now upon me.

How do I manage this road independently, with no representation?

Thank goodness for Facebook.
It is reassuring to hear from others who have walked this path,
independently, with success.

After the passport is issued and is in hand,
all paperwork is submitted to USCIS in PAP,
where it is reviewed (1-3 weeks?) and final I-600 approval is granted.
Then, we wait for notice of a visa appointment (2-4 weeks after approval).
Dimitry must have a visa medical exam from an embassy physician ($??)
and then we travel to attain the visa ($230) and the IBESR exit letter.

Am I going to need to travel more than one more time to do these steps myself?
Will Sister be able to submit the dossier with passport and get his medical exam?

Should I be planning another garage sale?
Maybe I should look into overtime . . .

I cannot wait to bring my boy home.
I will be so happy to be done with this attorney-client relationship,
official forms and documents,
travel documents and visas . . .

This roller coaster ride has been tiring.
I certainly can appreciate the difference between an agency led,
developed country's adoption procedures
as opposed to what we have experienced.
It is so sad that there are so many orphans in need of families to love on them
in the more difficult countries to navigate.

God must have some wonderful plans for these children
for Satan to work so hard to keep them where they are.

Adoption Day:
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Port-au-Prince, Haiti

Today, he is Dimitry Gilles Edmunds

U.S. Arrival: TBD

An End in Sight

If adoption waits were timed like pregnancies, we'd be in our third trimester..

Next Wednesday we go to court to give our child our last name.
Our adoption will be official, and next week we will officially be a family of 5.

The other great thing that this does is allow our paperwork to move into the final phase of Haitian processing.
There is more paper shuffling that needs to occur,
but the last stage ends with our son receiving his country's passport with his new name.

***Hooray***

Current timelines for MOI range from 3 to 24 weeks, with each end being an extreme.

So, what is the bottom line?

We could have our son home before another school year starts,

as the school year starts, or

as I've been saying since Thanksgiving,

before Christmas 2013.

This is HUGE.

September will mark the third anniversary of starting this journey to bring our son into our family.

What a road . . . 

and what a blessing.

I find my thoughts going in a new direction this week:

towards my 5 year old daughter.

Addie is the only one of our four who hasn't met Dimitry,

and she is the baby of the family.

How do we keep Addie, 

who's excited about her brother finally coming home, 

but isn't attached like the rest of us,

from feeling territorial, left out, sad, etc., etc. once he's actually here?

The addition of a new sibling is a big deal,

especially when the new brother or sister isn't tiny and sweet smelling and doll-like.

Do we allow Addison to take on an older sibling role of being more helpful, guiding, and nurturing

since he is "new" and doesn't know the rules, routines, hierarchy?

Are they treated as equals right off the bat?

Do we allow him to take on the baby" role, as he's never had a family to love on him

and will be given room to regress, if needed?

Do we anticipate regression from her? (I think yes) 

Am I over-thinking this, as is typical for me? (probably)

Will each figure out his or her own place without interference from mama? (likely)

There are so many hearts to protect.

fineartamerica.com

Oh my goodness, I have to tell you a fabulous story.

I received the email asking if we could appear in court on Tuesday evening,

leaving us less than a week to book a flight, etc.

$$$ Cha-Ching $$$

By Wednesday, our employers were notified

(and supportive - we are soooo blessed),

family members were told,

childcare arrangements were made (human and furry),

the appointment was confirmed,

and airline tickets placed on hold needed to be paid for.

I called the airline and inquired about flexible fares for adoption cases

and briefly told the individual on the line that this is the

4th trip I've booked to PAP this year,

all on their airline,

and about the short notice we received to appear in court.

No matter.

The response was an enthusiastic Congratulations, 

but no fare exemptions apply.

Furthermore, 

the voucher I received for the last trip that didn't quite occur needed to be exchanged in person, at the airport, or reservations had to be made at least two weeks in advance.

Ha

I could, however, go to the airport and utilize the voucher immediately, in person.

Okay . . . that only left the remaining (intimidating) sum to come up with.

I scrutinized our credit card statements and our bank accounts.

I hadn't even paid off the previous two trips this year,

or the one that I received the voucher for, but still existed on my credit card.

So I sat in front of the computer,

three different web sites for airlines or cheap airfare open in front of me,

and I closed my eyes to pray:

Dear God,

I know this is what You want.

I can't figure out how to make it work.

I need You to make it work.

and, I kid you not, my cell phone rang right then.

I opened my eyes and saw the name of the caller: my dear friend G. 

I only get to see her once each year

(twice in 2012, when I was very, very lucky)

to do surgery in Haiti.

It was so nice to hear from my friend :)

I couldn't wait to update her on our adoption news.

The reason she called stopped me dead in my tracks --

she wanted my address to send us a check,

for almost exactly what the tickets cost.

I lost it.

You say you don't believe in Divine Intervention, huh?

Well, I don't believe in coincidence.

Some people question

if you can't afford adoption, then why do you do it?

To them I'd say REALLY?!?

Along this journey, life goes on outside of all things adoption related.

Other children grow and need new clothes, shoes, bicycles, swim lessons . . . 

Animals need to go the vet, 

Vehicles require maintenance and tires and ugh, replacing . . .

Mortgage escrows are readjusted and need to be paid . . .

do you know what it costs to remove a dead oak tree, looming over your house??

. . . and sometimes, that pretty little timeline quoted at the beginning of the process, 

doesn't quite work out.

Home studies and fingerprints have to be updated,

forms have to be filed and extensions requested . . . 

and in adoption, forms = payments.

When you expect "12-18 months," which turns into 2 years,

then almost 3,

and the paperwork, attorney fees, and orphanage costs can easily total $5,000-10,000 / year,

and you travel to bond with your child and let them know they haven't been forgotten or forsaken . . .

money gets tight.

This "paper pregnancy" is finally in its last trimester,

and I've officially been "pregnant" longer than an elephant.

The stories we'll be able to share with our son will be worth it -

and so many people love him and support him in our family already.

What a blessing this journey has been.

Another one . . .

"USCIS in Port au Prince, Haiti is pleased to inform you that the I-600 petition, which you filed at this office on April 25, 2012 on behalf of xxxxxxxx, seeking to qualify her as your immediate relative has been approved. Your case has been transferred to the Adoption Unit of the Consular Section for the visa process. This completes all action by USCIS on the referenced petition. The Consular Section will soon contact you to follow-up on your case."

Yippeeeee!

Another kiddo gets to go HOME

Even though this letter is not ours, it gives me hope and I know that soon my son will come home too.

One of these days, he will come home from school and ask to ride his bike and if we are going to eat at home or go out for dinner, just like his brother and sister. 

Soon, he will complain about going to bed when "it's not even dark yet," and wonder why there aren't more weekend days than school days.

Soon, I will hold him in my arms and kiss him goodnight every day.

Soon, he will be home.

Soon, he will ours :)

While we wait . . .

I've had this bookshelf FULL of adoption books for almost three years . . .
some I've read,
some I've started and been so discouraged that I put them aside.

Attachment

Encouraging your adopted child

Enriching your family after adoption

Understanding your internationally adopted child

Nurturing your marriage and family after adoption

Called to adopt

Grace in adoption

Praying through adoption

Before . . . 

During . . . 

After . . .

The recommended reading lists for parents considering adoption are overwhelming.

All topics are covered: the good, the bad, the potentially ugly.

The waiting,
the separation,
the loss,
the challenges,
the healing,
the joy, 
the bonding . . . 

The timeline, alone, is ridiculously stressful.

Back in 2010 when we started this process, we were told the "average" Haitian adoption takes 12-18 months.

Bwahahahahahahahaha

What text did the officials read that in?
Any parent adopting from this country will tell you that timeline is not only overly optimistic, but considers only perfect situations, exact documentation, and perfect record keeping prior to the process being initiated and throughout the journey. Not to mention, probably only applies to a single woman petitioning on the behalf of a younger child with no living parents, residing in a well organized, established creche' where living conditions and paperwork are in exquisite order.

Did I mention we are talking about Haiti here??

Yeah,
anyway . . .

When I first fell in love with my sons, I wouldn't have predicted that this many birthdays might pass before our family became complete.

On most days,
and very much in my heart,
I am at peace with Alby being part of a family in Port-au-Prince,
where he is loved, well cared for, has access to amenities not afforded to the majority of Haitian orphans,
and did I mention, loved?

Once in a while, however,
I am struck by a yearning in my soul that mourns the loss of a son I was unable to call my own.
This is what gets me:

Alby, 2011

Wow.
That face.
That smile.

He was almost ours to call Son.

I am so fortunate to travel this journey of adoption with my best friend,
and be so well supported by family and friends who also long to have Dimitry home.

Soon, we will travel for court,
and finally we will change Dimitry's last name and be ever closer to his homecoming.

Dimitry 2010

I'm not sure anyone is truly prepared for the changes that occur on the first-time adoption journey.
The spiritual changes are immense.
The faith, patience, preparation . . .
it is incredibly difficult
but also a bit addictive.

Don't get me wrong -
it's not that anyone wants to go through the roller coaster of paying fees, filling out paperwork and meeting deadlines, updating the same paperwork over and over again to remain current, traveling to bond with children, only to face heartache at saying goodbye time and time again . . .
but what a blessing to meet other families along the road whose hearts have been changed by a child.

I wouldn't give up the experiences I've had for anything.

I never imagined my passport would have this many stamps in it before my child was home.
I didn't know that a Haitian nun would become one of my dearest friends,
or that I would play a role in helping the woman who first introduced me to my boys end her story on earth.

I wouldn't have guessed that Facebook would bond me to other families in so many states and countries with some of the same experiences as mine.

What an incredible blessing this process,
this transformation,
has been.

What an incredible story our boy will have.

Where are we now?

Okay, time to bring you up to date . . .

I did NOT go to Haiti.

I tried,
but I did not make it.

Due to smoke rolling from the air vents of the plane as we prepared to take off,
causing us to return to the gate,
where we were honored to be some of the first to hear that American Airlines' computer system suffered a complete failure,
grounding all flights for many,
MANY hours,
I did not see my son.

I ate more trail mix in the Dallas / Fort Worth airport than anyone really should (bleh),
and after a long afternoon there,
traveled to Miami
where I learned my flight to Port-au-Prince had been cancelled.

of course

I stood in a very, VERY long line with some rather nice folks,
and was pleased to reach a rebooking agent by phone 1 and 1/2 hours into my wait.

The good news: with constant footage of the Boston happenings on TV,
travelers were uncharacteristically tolerant of the delays and furloughs . . .
the first day.

Unfortunately for me, the airline was unable to rebook me into PAP until 2:40PM the following day,
long after our scheduled 7:30AM interview at the U.S. Embassy.

Many, MANY emails later,
my dear, dear friend Sister Claudette had a photo of the necessary paperwork to enter the embassy
and blessed me by escorting my son, his biological parent and all of our paperwork that the attorney surprised her with to USCIS.

I ended up spending the next day waiting for a flight home,
where I did finally arrive after midnight,
only to find out my one checked bag had flown to Haiti without me.

It's okay though -
it was full of shoes for the orphanage.

Now, like many other passengers traveling that day,
I wait patiently to see if any of my flights will be reimbursed by the airline,
knowing that soon I will see my son in Haiti because
we will be going to court shortly.

Yippeeeee

Let's get that boy's name changed and get on the road to getting him a passport :)

hee hee

Hmmmm . . .

There is apparently another huge gasoline shortage in Haiti.

Word is that the Minister of Finance resigned,
the gourde is losing value,
and there is less electricity than the "normal" rolling electricity shortages. . .

and I am supposed to fly out on Tuesday
for our orphan investigation interviews with USCIS.

Once again,
I am certain that God has a plan,
knows the exact timing for our family,
but I am in the dark about it all. (Lol)