Wow . . .
Where do I begin?

It's been 3 months since I posted, which is surreal because it feels like much longer.

Life, in general, feels sometimes surreal.

In 2011, an adoptive mother told me that I would grieve the loss of my family "that was,"
meaning, before our child arrived.
It was difficult for me to imagine feeling sadness while we continued on the very long process to bring our son home at last . . .
Now, I understand.

There came a point in August when I broke down and cried (good call Colleen.)

Please realize that my tears were not remorseful.

I cried for my oldest son and for the time I felt I was losing with him.

(When did he grow up SO much?)

I cried for my daughter and the impact my fatigue and frustration might be having on her.

(How do I help her stay little, as long as possible, and enjoy each and every moment?)

I cried for my middle child, at the loss and fear he has suffered, and out of guilt for not being 100% understanding during his outbursts.

(We waited 3 1/2 years for him, but how much longer did this babe wait for a mama and daddy?)

I cried for the quiet times I feared were all in the past.
I cried over the sibling struggles that have exponentially multiplied in our household and out of frustration for not being able to make this time super smooth for them.

In the quiet times,
especially at night, lying in bed,
the Enemy creeps in and plants seeds of doubt and self-pity.
The fatigue of parenting multiple school-aged children who are individuals with varying needs makes a working mama feel inadequate.

How do you love unconditionally when you see the hurt and pain in one's eyes because of another?
While digging deep to be everything to everyone, it's easy to run low on steam and question your ability to maintain at the current level.

Then there are the happy times, the giggling until your tummy hurts times, the peaceful and quiet times, where contentment is bliss and all is right in our small world . . .
and you know the beauty and see the friendship and feel the love.
And it's right here, right now, and it's real.

We've had many firsts and have enjoyed a lot of great moments in these short months,
and we've been so blessed by the support of our new community and school.

It's hard and it's messy, but every day is a new adventure and we are so grateful.

Once again, it's evident that God creates beauty out of ashes.

Roadtripping

Cousins

First baseball game with best friends

A party for sister

Bike rides and time together

First day of school

 An entire family of goofballs