"Adoption is not for the faint of heart"   

Who knew?

I started this week intent on thinking positively,

after all, USCIS can only take so long to email a simple approval, 

right?

By Tuesday, I was a mess.

(It was time for my new coworkers to see this side of my life, I suppose)

Somehow, 

as things find a way of doing,

something got screwed up . . . 

AGAIN.

Our fingerprints are set to expire on the 15th,

AGAIN,

and while I contacted our USCIS agent via email,

sent the necessary forms and fees, 

along with a clear statement of our new address (in multiple places),

our renewal paperwork was sent to our old address (in another state)

and our appointment with the Department of Homeland Security was scheduled in the Kansas City field office . . .

some 627 miles away.

Really people?

Those of you who are "friends" with me on Facebook have already read the following statement:

my tolerance for Haitian inefficiency and delays was much greater that any level of tolerance I can muster for my own country's lack of accuracy and efficiency affecting my son's LONG OVERDUE homecoming.

Add to that, the frustration and sadness from the promise of an October 2013 homecoming from our attorney last year,

then Christmas 2013,

then another birthday passing,

then . . .

And now, 

with a plane ticket purchased and plans for our annual surgical mission trip cancelled 

due to the delays in processing Dimmy's homecoming, 

I feel deceived again.

Unsure of an actual time frame,

with no explanation for the delays or lack of communication,

wait one second . . .

I thought I was done dealing with that crap. 

This is the United States I'm dealing with now.

My own country. A developed, technologically savvy country.

Ugh

So here's a little tidbit that individuals not having experience with adoption may not know:

some of us adoptive parents occasionally Google their children's orphanages in hopes of catching a glimpse of their child.

The truth?

Resulting photos can be bittersweet.

I have found photos of my son

(and the child who was to be my son, for awhile)

and it's difficult to explain the mixture of emotions --

wonder at seeing them before we met,

joy in a baby face that will help document this child's life,

happiness in the recognition of other little friends or clothing that we took on past visits,

and then there is sadness in recent photos of my child with strangers,

traveling on their own mission trips,

meeting and falling in love with my son,

so far away from me.

that's our Dimitry on the right

I don't want my son's photo coming up in Google searches of Fondwa orphanage any more.

He has a family.

He has a home away from the orphanage where he has spent the majority of his life,

and all the days that he remembers.

He has a brother and a sister and a closet full of clothes and a bicycle awaiting him in the garage and . . .

I want my son home.