is starting to set in.
All of the books and the blogs and the articles about attachment, healing the orphan's heart and what to do when the wait is finally over suddenly seem crucial.
Every word I have read over the past 3 years about what to expect, how to accept, what we should and shouldn't do is swirling around in my brain like one giant word tornado.
How do we adjust to disciplining our biological children without treating them completely different than their new sibling?
How do we communicate those first few days / weeks / longer?
(Really, I can't carry around my little creole book all the time. Will I remember what I know and what I'm trying to learn when I'm using it again?)
How do I possibly go back to work so soon after my son finally comes home, when I've done the paperwork and the worrying and the negotiating and planning and everything for our adoption all this time?
Will he even understand at all that it's just not my choice?
No one has told me what to do when FMLA is an option, but an unpaid one,
and I am the breadwinner and the mama, too.
Things like this help me anticipate what is ahead, at least:
He has experienced things that we don't want to think about,
but they've likely happened,
and rather than pretend or hope they didn't,
our duty is to help him heal while also protecting Grant and Addie.
And this:
How do we get the support we will need from friends and family, while also keeping our little family out of the limelight for awhile and allowing our son time to adjust to his new world?
What if we screw up?
That's normal in parenting . . . but what about parenting a healing soul?
And then, we have the future to look toward:
All of this mounting excitement is similar to a wedding -
you plan and you prepare and you have fittings and tastings and audition musicians and write vows,
and imagine how it will all turn out and come to fruition,
but the ultimate goal should be a successful, strong, supportive marriage.
We've been filing paperwork and renewing fingerprints,
paying fees and watching deadlines,
decorating rooms and collecting clothes and shoes for the new arrival . . .
now it's time to get serious
and REAL.
I feel blessed to have the wisdom of those who've gone before us shared in blogs and articles, etc., but I'm nervous about the words of one such mama who told me to call her when he came home and she'd talk me down off the ledge.
*eek*
I suppose I'm realizing that our world is about to change,
which has been the plan all along, I know,
but I'm not sure to what extent yet,
and I'm not sure how each individual will be affected.
I wish I could protect my little ones' hearts,
and heal their hurts and take away their fears,
but I guess that wouldn't allow them to live, would it?
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