Attachment

The process of adoption is long and tortuous and involves lots of reading and training.
A common theme of  most pre-adoption text is attachment, as any adoptive mama or daddy can tell you.

Whether a child comes into a family from domestic relinquishment or foster care, or an international institution,
their past experience is key in forming new relationships with an accepting family.

I used to wonder about our little boy's ability to reciprocate affection based on his history of orphanage living.
We have been incredibly blessed that Dimitry not only reciprocates affection, but also initiates it during our visits.

Not all families are so fortunate,
and it takes a strong soul with a determined heart and mind to chip away at that protective shell and love on a child anyway,
knowing a squeeze back from your hug may not come.

(proactiveparenting.net)

What about kids who are not orphans or living in facilities or homes waiting for someone to love them for always?
What about children who have a home and live with one or both parents?

We have this neighbor . . .

At six years old, he lives with his dad and dad's girlfriend, with whom there is apparently little to no attachment.
The little boy will go house to house,
looking for a playmate,
and seems to want to be anywhere but at home.

The very first time he came over to play inside (winter time),
he was here for 10 hours,
without anyone checking on him or seeing if he had eaten.
In fact, the dad left during that time, without telling us, and the little boy told us no one was home (but we later found out that girlfriend was there.)
He has no siblings,
is not good at sharing
and struggles with being anything other than first at all games.

Last night, he had a sleep over.

My children made their way up onto the couch to snuggle during a movie,
and after seeing a funny look on his face,
I invited him to join us (on the couch, not necessarily to snuggle),
to which he politely declined.

The look on his face was completely lacking in recognition
of a family snuggled together under one blanket,
babies under mama's arms,
just being close.

He told my oldest that he doesn't see his mom because she choked him when she got mad.

Dad is mid-20's,
an ex-college sports dude,
trying to settle into a new life with a school aged son and very little to call his own.

And this child is already used to roaming alone until someone takes him in,
seems to be constantly hungry and thirsty
(albeit, not malnourished, but getting things on his own),
and is lacking basic nurturing and behaviors I consider normal for a first grader.

google.com: reagangirl.com

He does not live in an orphanage.
He has a parent.
He has a home and goes to school.
But who loves on him?
Who calls them their own and shows him that he belongs?

My heart breaks for the children of the world without homes and love and families.

My eyes have been opened to an entirely new group of these children.