This was the first week off work I have had that was not spent giving anesthesia or traveling for adoption purposes in Haiti since last August.
Now, don't get me wrong - I took those trips voluntarily, and wouldn't have wanted to miss any of them for the world, but I'm tired.
The past month has been full of stress, worry, caring and mourning. Someone dear to me has suffered, battled, and ultimately lost her fight against liver cancer.
I was thankful when she was moved to hospice, not only because the atmosphere was much more peaceful and calming, but because the commute to Providence after working all day downtown or out south was tiring.
During this time, we received distressing news from our attorney in Haiti.
He basically stated that our paperwork has been dormant for 5 months due to lack of social, psychological and medical information on the boys.
5 months lost - Are You Kidding Me??
The only people who have any information regarding my sons' history are grieving the loss of their loved one and leader. The woman who has the knowledge of my sons' parental status, the situations under which they came to the orphanage and the history of their lives since those dates is now gone.
Kind of makes me feel like vomiting.
I am grieving for the loss of the woman who literally saved my boys' lives. I am grieving the loss of a person who was larger than life, with enough love for her entire community and beyond, who had a great vision for the sisters in her community and the children in her care. I am sad that the person who brought me to my sons, will not be here to see our family complete. I am scared, despite being told by other dear sisters that our adoptions will continue to be supported through completion, that forward momentum will be lost. Or worse yet, one of our boys will be lost.
As I have mentioned previously, one of our sons is in the orphanage in Fondwa, where he will remain and continue to attend school and live with the other children. The other is in Port-au-Prince, attending school where he is closer to medical care for his sickle cell disease, living with a family who is fostering him until our adoption is complete. I do not know this family's name. Sister knew how to contact them and what arrangements exist for his care. He is separated from the other sisters and children. It's difficult for me not to fear losing him.
I've been fighting off the tears and the worry and the stress that has been building . . .
but I'm not sure how much longer the dam will hold.
Tuesday, we will say our final farewell to Sister.
She is in a much, much better place and would tell us not to cry for her, but mourn her, we will.
I am ready to see Sister Claudette and Simone again. It's been a long week without any contact since she passed, but I hope I'm not a blubbering mess when we are together.
I'm not a pretty crier anyway - red splotches, runny nose.
Dear Lord, help me get it out beforehand or hold it together until the ride home please!
I am so thankful for the time I've had with Sister Carmelle and will forever cherish her laughter, her acceptance of my family into her community, her generous gift of Dimitry and Alby, and her love of Fondwa.
Friday, I will attend the Created for Care conference in Atlanta.
I've literally been looking forward to this event for months. It is finally here and I find myself feeling drained, bogged down with sadness and worry and fatigue.
I do know that His timing has a purpose. I know that His plan is divine.
I am ready for new insight, hope and joy to be planted in my heart.
But first, I may just have to have a good ole cry.
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