Trusting

I am a faithful person.

I trust in God's will and His timing.

even if I don't understand it

I believe that "if He leads you to it, He will lead you through it."

I find comfort in other faithful believers who think that if it is His will, He will provide in all ways.

although I'm not sure the struggle isn't part of the journey

I'm at a portion of this ride where there are lots and lots of up and down moments. I'm holding on by a thread and rarely make it through a day without tearing up out of fatigue, frustration or fear.

This morning I was speaking to some co-workers friends about the boys and I got choked up.

shocking

I was telling them about Alby spending his life split between Port-au-Prince, to be near the medical facility, and the orphanage in Fondwa. Eric and I both agree that he seems well cared for and loved by all the Sisters. They make sure he doesn't get too cold in the mountains and that he gets his needs met. He is clean and doted on. We frequently saw him in a lap or holding someone's hand . . .

while our Jimmy is one of the Fondwa 65. He shares a barn type dwelling with all the other boys. In this building (as in the girls' building), there are 10 or 12 beds cots, 2 dangling light bulbs and a wood floor. Hmmm, let's consider the math: 65 children, 24 beds at best. Do they pile in together? Do they sleep on the floor in their clothes? likely What goes on in these buildings where the only affection and love these children receive is what they share with the other children? Multiple times, we witnessed older children holding and hugging the small ones.

They don't know a mama's touch or a daddy's hug. They aren't taught about good touching versus inappropriate touching. They aren't aware of societal norms, by our standards.

What have they experienced?

These things keep me awake at night.



I frequently get asked how the fund raising is going . . .

do you want to see me cry?

Last week, a family viewed our home for a 2nd and 3rd showing - staying nearly 45 minutes on their 3rd visit. That kind of time investment makes me think they are deciding where to put the Christmas tree! Although, here I sit, with no offer and no idea how I'm going to pay 2 mortgages again this month and pay an attorney to start our paperwork in Haiti. How can I sleep at night thinking of the next time Alby will have a sickle cell crisis treated in a Haitian "hospital," or Jimmy wondering if anyone will ever love him.

Dang it, here I go again

It may be a combination of fatigue and stress, I'll admit, but I'm scared. The success of this fundraiser is weighing heavily on my heart. I soooo want to see my boys and tell them we love them and want them and are working very hard to bring them to their new home. February was a long time ago and the uncertainty of selling this house and being able to travel to them anytime in the near future is breaking my heart.

I swear this journey is aging me. I feel great joy and hope when I focus on the future of Jimmy and Alby in the Edmunds' family. I feel blessed to have the Sisters caring for the boys and watching out for us during this process. I know God is in this and He will bring us through it . . .

I just wish I knew when and how:)

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