What do we pass on to our children? And what is passed on to us in our genes?
Blond hair: yes.
Blue eyes: sure.
Propensity for heart disease or breast cancer or diabetes? Undoubtedly.
What about our character traits?
There is a definite pattern of Asperger syndrome behavior in the males of one family I know and love. While only one individual has been given the definitive diagnosis, at least two generations of males display the behaviors and definitely exhibit the character traits of Aspergers.
My oldest child, I'm afraid, has inherited more than I intended him to from me.
I am a child of a Type A parent.
No, really.
He's not just "kind of" type A . . . he's the real deal.
And me? Yeah, I've got some of that too.
I have a teensy, eensy touch of perfectionistic behavior
(is that my mother's laughter that I hear?)
and I tend to be strung a bit tighter than some individuals.
Anxiety? yep
Depression? yep (there is a family history of that too)
In fact, I suffered from post-partum depression with my oldest,
and while I was determined to breastfeed him throughout his first year
(putting off antidepressant therapy),
I wonder if that contributed to his personality now.
Is it possible to pass on stress hormones caused by anxiety through human milk?
My son is a huge worrier.
He can be intense and is sensitive compared to his younger sibling.
I have a photo of him at age two where he had organized a tub of crayons into color . . .
into one very long, very straight line on the floor.
Yes, we raised our eyebrows and asked if a 2 year old could be OCD.
He is a firm believer that there is usually only one correct way to do things
(which I constantly refute);
He gets very frustrated by his own mistakes and shortcomings;
He is definitely his own worst critic.
And it breaks this mama's heart.
Did I do this to him?
Is it in our genetic code?
Is it just a coincidence? (yeah, right)
How do I teach my child to be young, imaginative, creative and free?
How do I convince him that pretend play is normal and healthy?
(He thinks his sister's ability to play school and have tea parties with her dolls is weird)
He had a toy kitchen and a Cabbage Patch Doll when he was younger.
(okay, he still has the doll)
Finger paint? No way
Pizza with hands rather than a fork? Working on it
Messy cookies or snacks or projects? Very stressful for him
Do not expect my child to eat Doritos unless you plan on him doing it with some sort of utensil.
He clings, yet also struggles with independence as he nears 8 years old.
He is so sensitive and unselfish, in a way that is far beyond his age.
He is intuitive,
so much so that it surprises me sometimes.
Nothing gets past this kid!
I question if he could be considered gifted . . .
like his grandfather.
I pray for him.
I cannot wait to take him to meet his brother far from here because I know he will get it.
I just hope that it is not too much for him, at the same time.
Thank you God for the gift of this child who obviously needs us as much as we love and want him.
Please bless his little heart, and use his sensitive nature to serve you without overwhelming himself.
As mommy to Lillian Hope TaoJia (adopted from China Dec. 2002 at six months), I often find myself wondering nurture or nature?
ReplyDeleteWe love our daughter more and more everyday. She is ten and is wise beyond her years. She has made straight A's all through elementary school, has never missed a day of school, but is "behind" socially.
She has MAD match skills. Each new math teacher she's had in elementary school is dumbfounded at how she makes up and solves math problems in her head.
Life skills and ability to handle change? Not going to give her an A. More like a C.
Honestly though, I'd like to know your thoughts on nature vs. nurture. (Lilly is our only child and both my husband and I were also adopted as children.)
Tracee Moore
tracee@zbzoom.net
I have a sibling-in-law who was adopted from Korea at only a few months old. She has no recollection of her time in Korea, or the process that brought her into our family.
ReplyDeleteAs a preteen, this outgoing, beautiful, intelligent person became the textbook example of insecurity. Where did she come from? Who did she look like? Who's behaviors, attributes, physical stature did she resemble?
I'd like to say she had a happy ending, but she is still searching. After pushing away the only family she has ever had, she has struggled to find acceptance in other circles.
She didn't want to be smart, dark haired with almond eyes . . . she wanted to feel attached to someone like her.
Carissa Woodwyk does an awesome job discussing her experience as an adopted child (from an Asian country to Caucasian parents) and I recommend reading her perspective. She is a delightful speaker who really connects to an audience of adoptees and adoptive parents, alike.
I am no expert, believe me.
I've read and I've observed, but I'm still more of an interested field scientist, collecting data, than one who has the answers.
It is amazing what people become, and whether or not they were loved and held and nurtured as infants, or only had their physical basic needs met surely has an impact on the finished product.
Bless you and your family on your journey!