Here we go again . . .

Another tropical storm . . . 

Another rainy season . . . 

Time continues to pass without word of progress towards a passport.

We have a son in another country,

waiting for us to come and bring him home.

He wonders when we will be there . . . 

How long he will have to wait . . . 

If his new family longs for him like he does for them.

His heart breaks,

day after day,

waiting and wondering

when we will come.

Sister tells us

Dimitry asks for you.

And my heart breaks,

again and again.

And I pray,

again and again.

Today, on the radio, I heard that we should come BOLDLY yet humbly before God,

not only with our typical concerns or fears or needs, 

but with our heart's greatest desires.

We frequently ask Him for the strength to do what we already have the ability to do.

We should ask Him to move mountains.

Mountains of paperwork,

mountains of red tape,

mountains of hypocrisy or doubt . . . 

We should ask God for the things we see as miracles.

I was told this months ago.

I changed the way I prayed,

for a while.

I guess I forgot, though.

I began to pray in praise -

thanking God for the work He has yet to do,

but I know He will do in my life,

in my son's life,

for my family.

Maybe what He wants is for me to ask Him for the "impossible."

Perhaps He wants me to demonstrate my trust in Him.

Perhaps, my fears are so tied up in the lack of tangible evidence that our adoption is nearing completion

that I keep forgetting to put my trust in the One who does have control.

I yearn to hold my son,

and wish I could return him to the 4 year old baby he was when we met . . . 

but I cannot.

I can pray to my God to protect him while he waits,

institutionalized,

surrounded by many much older than him,

and beseech my Father to shield his innocence.

2010

I need to believe that is happening.

I need my son to believe that we are coming for him.

I need him to know that we are trying, 

very, very hard.