AND . . . 
it's here.

Crank it out baby!!!

I'm going nuts,
pacing around my kitchen,
watching for an email to come in.

You know how they say "Any news is good news?"

Today, that is right on.

Four months after submitting Dimitry's documents for his immigration approval,
I finally received notice that USCIS was unable to open one attached document we sent (in January) and is missing a translation (of a document I do not have in my possession, or ever had.)

This = progress.

I called them and asked for the document to be scanned to us for translation
and she mentioned the orphanage letter (she knew exactly who I am).

Now I am waiting for the attorney and USCIS to send me the document,
who will be first? come on y'all, get those scanners warmed up and running,
and our fabulous translator is standing by.

This was my concern,
that after 3 months with zero communication, they would say the file is missing something,
that I could have resolved in January, but was unaware of.
But,
I am so excited to have his file out on their desks and make progress.

Please,
Please,
let us get this done today.

We could have approval in a matter of days with this omission settled.

P.S.
The twins fly home to North Carolina today.
God bless them and their new family.

To My Son, Dimitry:

No truth could be louder

Soon . . . God, please, make it soon.

Yeah,
so we have heard NOTHING.
Not a "sorry ma'am"
or a "we need more time to review"
or even a "your file is incomplete."

It seems that, where our adoption file is concerned,
we don't muster enough respect to require return communication.

Three years in to the paperwork process (3 1/2 years total),
and you'd think I might be used to long periods of silence
without any regard for months passing without updates . . .
but no,
not so much.

In fact,
now that it is OUR government holding this process up,
it feels even more agonizing.

I don't understand why our son's file cannot earn the courtesy of a reply by this point.

I caved and asked for assistance from a congressman's office,
after hearing repeatedly that helped others' who were "stuck."
I even contacted our stateside agent and asked her to contact the Haitian office.

I am out of ideas.
Some days, it feels as if I am also out of hope.

Is he ever really going to be allowed to come home?

a LONG distance phone call

I'm all covered in goosebumps right now --

At the advice of another adopting parent,
I just called USCIS in Port-au-Prince, Haiti to inquire about the status of Dimitry's I600 file.

After locating the file,
I was told that the person handling our file will contact me within the week regarding the I600 status.

Now, realizing that many families who've been told this same thing received their approval email within a week, it's very, very difficult not to get extremely excited about this news.

And dammit all if I'm not going to be even more attached to my smart phone until the message comes.

Please God . . .

Under a Big Grey Cloud

I have descended into a funk.

This has happened before . . .
and it sucks.

The days pass quickly on the calendar,
and page after page flips for each month that goes by . . .
all without my son.


It's infuriating to be held up by United States Citizenship and Immigration
with no explanation or communication as to what the process, delay or investigation involves.

My tolerance for political B.S. that keeps my son far away from us, while he ages and grows farther away from being able to adjust easily, has greatly diminished.

It's possible, too, that my faith has grown a bit thin.



I understand that God has a plan for our family,
but I also know that Satan has a way of placing road blocks along the way.

Enough already.

We began this journey in the fall of 2010,
although God planted this seed of adoption in my heart much earlier.

The length of this process and the delays we have encountered have taken their toll.

Now, I am allowing my misery to steal the joy from each passing day.

I know that this is not what God wants from me.
There is no doubt that I owe my family more of me.

I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel --
the end keeps getting farther and farther away, despite enticing teases of completion.

Another season passes;
Another holiday comes and goes -
All without my son, who gets older and older without a mama to love on him.

When will it be his turn?

March 31, 2014 --

My surgical team left for Port-au-Prince today.
This is the first time since January 2010 that I have been absent from the group.
It's my own choice - I thought I'd be helping my family adjust to a new addition,
or at least traveling to bring him home.

I'm struggling with a lot of sadness right now . . .
that this adoption process is taking so ridiculously long;
that USCIS isn't responding to our I600 (citizenship application);
that it's been so long since I've been in Haiti and held my child and soaked him in.

My soul is weary,
again.

It's tiring, reading posts from other adoptive families on FB . . .
everyone's timeline and progression through the system is different,
which is unbelievably frustrating.

Up until now, Haiti has been a non-Hague Convention participating country,
which changes tomorrow.
With the country's radification to the Hague,
newly processed families will hopefully experience less confusion,
less corruption, greater consistency in process and processing,
and perhaps, if all goes as planned, shorter waits from application to homecoming.

In the meantime,
families like us (under the "old laws"),
continue to read about other families' paperwork traveling from A to B to G to D to C to E, etc.,
while ours took an A to C to B to D to G, etc. path,
and still, other files take the G to E to A to C or whatever path.

Essentially, the lack of consistency is stupid.

Today, I read of another family receiving provisional I600 approval before their child's Haitian passport had even been applied for -- WHAT??
It depends if you apply in the United States versus Haiti,
if an agency represents you or you employ an independent attorney,
blah, blah, blah . . .

Okay, so what if you apply in Haiti,
and submit all necessary documents the second week of December,
have all the "i's" dotted and the "t's" crossed,
celebrate ANOTHER holiday season without your child,
watch them turn ANOTHER year older,
pray like mad and go nuts watching the calendar pages turn over and over?

You know what international adoption from Haiti is like?

This mama is tired of holding on for dear life.
I'm tired of the brief upswings only to plunge so far down.
I'm ready to get off.

Today, I purchased my son's bunny for his Easter basket.

There is still a Christmas present from my mom-in-law in his closet waiting for him.

"Home by the end of summer" became
"by October, for sure," then
"Christmas 2013,"
and now . . . we are looking down the barrel towards another school year ending.

Worn.